| connie |
| So,
tonight is the last night I will be Connie's roomate. I'm laying here
on our empty living room floor at 1:26am just thinking about that fact,
as she sleeps in the room next to me. Connie, I love you babe. You are THE FIRST friend I met in Greenville. The only girl I had met that wasn't a super slut or crazy bitch. You made me realize there was some normalcy in this town. I can't believe how much our lives have changed in the year and 1/2 that we have known each other. And it amazes me that in that short period of time, I feel like you've been my best friend forever. We both admit to coming to Greenville as an escape, both of us far from home. Both of us have gone through terrible things in our past, and Greenville hosted our escape. Who knew that we would find each other and have the same fucked up emotional problems! lol. No, but in all seriousness... I love you. You are one of the few people I can completely confied in, and you have put up with a lot of bullshit from me, and still love me, which rocks my world. You get me. Things I will miss: Making you dance to booty music in our pjs when you have to study Stealing your groceries Eating at 1-2am (before the healthiness) Eagerly checking the mailbox for school refunds Hearing each other yell at their textbooks The Hills Heroes Asking you advice on EVERYTHING that happens to me Trying to fight you....... The few times we drank together, and you passed out Borrowing each other's clothes Using your eyeliner Throwing couches down the stairs Knowing I can tell you anything about my mom and dad and you'll listen and most importantly, just seeing you every day. I promise we'll keep in touch. (really... u know how bad I am at that, but i'm promising you ill try my hardest) I love you so much, Connie. I wish you all the best. ps. You're a fucking bitch. -Judy |
I’m in a place in my soul right now where I feel completely scared and somewhat safe all at the same time. It’s a new feeling for me, and it makes me feel as though I might just be ok... I’m actually expressing myself this time around rather then keeping everything in.
"This time around," I guess I should explain what I mean by that.
When my mom passed away, I was 11 years old, I didn’t know how to comprehend much less deal with the emotions that followed that. I turned out pretty great, but had some emotional problems I had to overcome... and am still doing so. I didn’t talk to much anyone about how I felt about her dying, really.... no one in my family did. It was so shocking that something like that could happen to our family. Our "bubble" as my brother used to say. I don’t think any of us knew exactly what to say.
So, this time around... my dad is going to die. I’m talking more about it and making sure I stay connected with my brothers and the family as much as I can. I want us to be ok. And inside, I feel better ... more secure than I did with my mom’s passing. Prehaps that’s come with age, or maturing... I don’t know for sure. I do know, that when the time comes, I’m going to need all the support and love I can handle from the people I have in my life. I looked at my boyfriend last night and just told him how thankful I am to have him. He’s amazing. And that goes for all the friends I have in this world as well. You all make me happy and feel ok. Thank you for that.
I am very scared about this whole situation though. What will happen if I have a financial emergency? What happens if I can’t handle the emotions? And worst of all... what is it going to feel like having no parents to call or visit in my early 20s? I will have to walk down the aisle without my daddy’s arm and without seeing my mom’s face. I really do believe they’ll be in my heart on these important events, but it is very sad to think about. When he does die, I will carry love for him as I do for my mom every day of my life.
Anyway, this blog has turned into an outpour of tears on my part. Jesus.
Whatever the case, happy easter everyone, and please don’t take your family granted. Look into their eyes at dinner tonight and be thankful. Love is the most important thing in life, and your family provides endless amounts of it.
]]>How do you think having siblings (or not having siblings) affects who you are as a person?
I think having siblings is very important. They are people around your age that know you better than anybody else that you can relate to through the years when you feel like you can't talk to your parents.
Lets see... if I didn't have Henson and Isaac..........
I wouldn't understand how to use a computer well, I wouldn't appreciate music as much as I do, I probably wouldn't step foot in canton.... I probably never would have seen a blow dart or a paintball gun, I would never have stepped on glass or scary things in their room... multiple times, and most importantly... there would be no "whoop chicken nuggets" song. and that's sad.
I love you boys!
What piece of advice do you wish you could take?
Don't worry so much.
What scares me:
1. That I won't get into nursing school, that I don't have the potential.
2. That I'll not know how to handle when my dad dies.
3. That I'll die alone.
4. The fact that two of my best friends both got cysts found in their bodies in the past week.
5. That I'll push Emmanuel away.
6. That I won't have enough money to pay for necessary things.
7. That I might literally, be crazy. That somethings wrong with me.
8. That I shouldn't be so far away from my dad.
9. That I'll never get married or have children.
10. The fact that I have to get a doctor to fix my jaw (long story)
11. That I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack all the time now.
12. That other people don't realize how stressed out I am.
13. That Emmanuel will move and we'll break up.
14. That my heart will break again.
I'm really stressing out lately, if you can't tell. These are all the things that are on my mind, and bothering me. Ugh. What do i do?
So, I just found out today that one of my best friends in Greenville might have stomach cancer.
I'm overthrown w/ emotions today, and I feel bad for feeling sad, because I know she feels 500 xs worse.
She called me today crying. My heart broke.
Things like this are so horrible, and nobody deserves to go through them. I couldn't handle what is happening to her. I couldn't.
It just brings back memories of my mom. God.
She was at work yesterday and felt really bad, so her mom took her to the hospital and they said she had fluid in her stomach, which they drained out. Today they told her her test results came back that there is a growth in her stomach. A cyst. That could be cancer.
Please pray for her.
Here's a question for you. Is mankind blessed with the ability to feel emotion, or cursed?
Hello all. It's time for a random life lesson learned from j to the udy.
I need to come up with more clever openings.... ;)
Anyyyyyyyway.
As I was driving my little Saturn home just a few minutes ago, thoughts started to race in my head about the definition of being "nice." Being kind (please rewind) is a very good personality trait to have, and really helps people see that you care about others. There is a point though, when someone can be a little TOO nice. It's sad that in our society, other people take kind individuals for granted, and walk all over them.
I have personal experience with this. I was always the one to avoid drama as much as possible, and go the extra mile to make sure that people, even ones that weren't my close friends were happy and satisfied. If something they did bothered me, I let it go, because it didn't seem worth it. What I've now come to realize , however.... and part of this has been from living in Greenville and meeting new people.... sometimes, you have to speak up for yourself and tell someone that they have done something that bothers you, or else that other person will believe it's ok to keep doing it. The other day I caught myself snapping back at someone at work because they said something about interracial relationships, and me... and it bothered me. For a split second, I felt as though I snapped for the wrong reason, and I was afraid I was coming off as a bitch, but then I realized... No.... I'm speaking up... that's not a bad thing. Yes, I still consider myself nice and caring and I try to be there for the ones I love, and help out people in need, but I also make sure that my needs are taken care of. That's a very important lesson to learn.
P.S. On Valentine's day, a man shot at an interracial couple leaving the Walmart in Greenville, Nc because he disagreed with their relationship. All I can think is, that could have been me and E. How fucked up is that. It's 2008 people, get over yourselves.
um i'm not sure that subject line worked out the way i wanted it to, but oh wells.
So apart from eating babies in my spare time (hope you all realized that was a joke ;) )
I GOT A TATTOO!
Finally. After about 2 years of talking about getting one, I did. It was my valentine's day present, which I think rocks for a present for such an occasion. It's a tattoo that reminds me of my mom. I'll put pictures of it on here soon, after it gets through the scabbing phase, which is really gross, by the way. Getting a tattoo hurts, like a bitch, especially on your foot, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It's kind of pleasure pain in a way. I still remember wondering why he was putting red ink on my foot, because i didn't ask for it, and then realizing, HEY! that's not ink, that's my blood!
Um I have two tests on Monday, which I'm starting to study for today..... yippeeeeeee :( *Cries*
This semester in school is going well though. Going to class every day, helps! haha.
Anyway, I'm realizing what great things I have in my life right now, and I'm pretty happy.
peace out, holmes.
What do you do when you find yourself with nothing to do?
Submitted by Cassie.
eat babies
]]>Here's one for the ladies: What's in your handbag right now?
Submitted by Kadeeae.
Cell Phone
Wallet - which includes check book (that i never use) , my id, school id, business cards, and credit cards (that i use too much)
Lip gloss- I don't do lipstick
Gum
Lots of old receipts that need to be thrown away
anddddddddddd
earrings for some reason